Covert Narcissist: Signs, Causes, and How to Respond

They may avoid confrontations because they want others to think they are in control of their emotions. While typical types of narcissistic behaviors are described as more overt or extroverted, narcissism does not always present itself in an extroverted manner. Even though NPD isn’t a personal choice, you don’t have to tolerate narcissistic abuse. Other people have experienced narcissistic abuse and have also overcome the emotional pain that comes from it. You can meet some of them by joining a support group online or in your town.

Those who are covert narcissists may be subtle in their ways of blaming others for things that are their own fault. They may approach this gently and explain why something is someone else’s fault and how they are not to blame. When dealing with covert narcissistic abuse, or any form of abuse, a safety plan can help protect you if a harmful situation escalates. While they share similar traits with one another, the difference between overt and covert narcissism is all in how a person shows up and how they express those traits. Some people have an easier time than others with regulating these feelings and emotions.

Other signs

Although narcissists are confident in themselves and believe they deserve the world, it is only when the confidence is extreme and over-inflated that it may become narcissistic. If the narcissist does not realize their behaviors are causing problems, they will be less motivated to seek help. Even if they do not want to seek help or see the problem with their actions, being called out could cause them to self-regulate their behavior in your presence.

In his book, The Narcissist You Know, Joseph Burgo includes the “Addicted Narcissist” as one type of Extreme Narcissism. Covert narcissistic abuse refers to a subtle pattern of controlling, manipulative, and hurtful behaviors performed by someone who lives with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). A lack of empathy makes it hard for someone with covert narcissism to step into other people’s shoes. When you’re constantly analyzing or critiquing your own self-image, it can be hard to connect with other people in genuine ways.

What causes each condition — can one cause the other?

Grandiose narcissism was also a significant predictor of a positive alcohol problem evaluation, over and above alcohol use, social desirability and vulnerable narcissism. In other words, grandiose narcissists are more likely to regard the alcohol problems that they may encounter as good. This may be covert narcissism and alcoholism because of the social benefits they bring (e.g., holding one’s liquor might be seen as a good quality and doing risky things while intoxicated could be seen as “cool” in some circles). It is also possible that grandiose narcissism gives one the illusion of invulnerability, especially when drunk.

• Some types of overt narcissism, such as grandiose or malignant narcissism, are easy to spot.
• Treating each condition independently can sometimes lead people to “choose one over the other,” especially if care is not coordinated.
• Overt narcissism is easily recognized, but covert narcissism is not always as apparent until you recognize it by the manipulative behaviors of its practitioner.
• An overt narcissist wears their need for admiration, validation, and sense of self-importance on their sleeve.
• People with AUD, also known as alcoholism, can display patterns of narcissism, including self-absorption and an underlying craving for admiration.

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. If you choose to speak with a friend or family member, be clear about what you need and expect from them, including confidentiality. By educating yourself, you can also educate them about what AUD and NPD are about.